On a positive note

I use this blog as a journal of sorts (my hand writing is horrendous) so, unfortunately, anyone who reads this will be occasionally subjected to depressing stuff like that last post.

But my life is nowhere near as bad as I often make it out to be; It is, in fact, quite pleasant.


I might get to shoot at the Pure Fashion fashion show in Calgary on May 6th. It is not set in stone, my accreditation is still pending, but I'm thankful for even the possibility. Though I look forward to having some fashion work in my portfolio, I am more excited about supporting an event like this. It needs much more exposure. I love modest women!


And, for the first time in a long time, I am really enjoying work. We've spent the last two weeks in meetings/courses with the goal of moving our department in to the role of bid and business development support. I can't help but laugh at my nerdy excitement over getting to develop proposals. The key through all of it is that I, along with my coworkers, will begin to gain some respect within the company. More importantly, the change in role is drastic enough that we might be able to gain some respect without the massive structural and personal (personnel...) restructuring that us peons originally thought would be necessary. I'm a loyal guy, and I love the company, so I wasn't looking forward to the coup d'état which was seeming like the only real option.


So ya, I am happy. I've graduated from Mount Royal (walking the stage on June 1), I have a decent paying job (though still hoping that they'll give me a raise when I become full-time/permanent), and I am still growing personally with many interesting opportunities on the horizon. Life is good.

And I ain't seen the sunshine since, I don't know when

A fence, a concrete wall, a pack of guard dogs, countless rolls of barbed wire, bristling guard towers, and a full moat with sharks and crocodiles. Some people build these as an impenetrable fortress around their heart, never allowing anyone to get close enough to hurt them. A Fort Knox for the heart.

But for some, this wall serves as a prison, to protect those outside from what is inside.

I don't crush well. My friends, seem to have the knack; They like a girl, they realize it won't work, they cease to be interested. Simple as that. Ya, they may have lost an evening, a weekend, or a week in adoration and pursuit, but they get over it and move on. I've never been able to do that. My heart gets too involved, the feelings last for a long while, I try to hide my feelings (or end up blurting something out in desperation), and I kill friendships in the process. In the last 13 years, I have liked four women. There are so many possible permutations for that equation, some not bad at all, but the reality is that I never lasted longer than 6 months between these infatuations, which makes the average length troubling.
I've completely lost contact with three of them, and the fourth isn't far behind.


Folsom, Joliet, Alcatraz... these is where this heart belongs for a good while longer. It's a killer.

I know I had it comin',
I know I can't be free,
But those people keep a-movin',
And that's what tortures me.

Pack-o-bell

I love this video!

If I were king...

I often find myself thinking about how I would handle situations differently if I were the owner of a company, instead of a low-level peon.

I've never bothered to record these "If I were king" brainstorms; Now that I think about it, I really should. Even if I never own my own company, at least I'll have spent some time thinking about how to make life better. Who knows, maybe I'll stumble across the occasional malleable area in my current work environment. But I can't deny the desire to, one day, design an office for a company that I had a part in creating.

So, I give you my first published "great idea": The Joyn
It's not perfect, but I love the idea of collaborative work spaces. I'm thankful for my current office, a fairly large space shared by three of the marketing staff. 'Boss' is across the hall and occasionally puts his foot down about our chatter. But when his door is closed, we are usually successful at maintaining an open and creative atmosphere where ideas flow smoothly. If I ever own a company, I will hire and fire based on people's fit with the team. The workspace will be designed around this. A constant interactive flow of information between a carefully chosen team of professionals, each with a set of highly complimentary skills. Of course I'll make private areas available for when one actually needs some solitary thought time, but I love the idea of a huge table where everyone can work easily together.

Honestly, it all comes back to my "communal art" post from last July. This still resonates in my head. I want to make it happen, but I honestly have no idea how to start: Just like I have no idea how to start my own business (I honestly see the two ideas intrinsically intertwined).

Want to work with me? Want to be artistic with me? Talk to me!

Undefined

For the last 18 years I have filled in "student" on forms.
For the last five years, I was primarily identified by what school I went to and what I was studying.
And for as long as I can remember, I always had an answer to "what's next?"

At 9:00 tonight I left the college, having just completed the last requirement in my applied degree program. I haven't felt this empty in years, I am undefined!

Ya, I have a job. But I spend my days working for an idiosyncratic boss, doing busy work while he holds our department back from actually developing and growing. We could do a lot for this company, we've been told from multiple sources that we have many things to offer which would benefit the whole organization in big ways (save them money, time, and face). I am loyal to the company, I like the company, and so I don't want to leave. But I honestly wonder whether this department, or my career with the company, will ever go anywhere. It's not about money, but I am nonetheless worried that I'll be laughed at when I ask for a raise when I renegotiate as a full time (non-student) employee. I wonder whether I'll ever be allowed to be of any benefit to the company as a whole (and not just the whims of the department head). That's not a nice feeling.

I need purpose, but I can't see any at the moment. What's next?

Bachelors...

It was a year ago this month that I attended my first bachelor party (oddly enough, I also was one of the two guys in charge of planning it).

It was very enjoyable, and I'm glad to say that it was without any of the usual drunken debauchery associated with these events. Yes, there was alcohol, and I can honestly say that this was the most intoxicated I have ever been in my life (which isn't saying much... I got tipsy after downing a single pint on an empty stomach). Yes, there were strippers (they were walking around West Ed, saw our group t-shirts, and offered a photo with the groom who was forced by his cohorts to stand with these ladies. They invited him to their show that evening but he refused. Good man!). And there was even exotic underwear (yes, that is my face on that underwear... no, it wasn't my idea!).

I mention all of this because I have the distinct honor of planning an event like this once again. My good friend Nolan and I will spend the next few months preparing for the bachelor party of my good buddy Trevor who is engaged to be married sometime this Fall. The thing about bachelor parties is that they are an ever-escalating series of events. Celebrating with Nathan was awesome, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. But now that we've done that, we've gotta find a new level for Trevor. It'll be stupendous!

I'll leave you with this photo of Nathan in his ceremonial bachelor garb, seated beside Trevor (who, at that point, had only just begun dating the young lady who is now his fiance).

Ghost town trips

Cyler and I are planning on doing a number of road-trips to various ghost towns around Southern Alberta. I've already had some people express some interest, I figured I should open it up to others as well. I don't see anything wrong with a convoy.

Some of possible destinations include:
Nordegg (I think this is my top choice)
Rowley (Near Drumheller)
Wayne (11 one-way bridges to get there, that's my kinda trip!)
Retlaw (Neat Taber, apparently)
Bankhead (Near Banff)
Blairmore (Crowsnest)
Frank (Site of the Frank Slide, Crowsnest)
Buffalo Jump
Dorothy (Near Drumheller)
Conquerville (deep southeast)
Kovach (3km hike in Kananaskis)

Odd music

To all of my friends with crazy music connections, I need some help finding some odd CDs, preferably locally.
I do not know all of the local music shops around here, I'm hoping you might be able to push me in the right direction (or ask them about the CDs for me).

In 1992, a band called Deep Forest put out a CD single titled "Sweet Lullaby". It contains the original version of the song "Sweet Lullaby", as well as six remixed tracks. The "Nature's Dancing" remix can be heard as the soundtrack to Matt Harding's "Where the Hell is Matt?" video series (I suggest Dancing 2006 as a good introduction to this awesome internet phenomenon).

The most complete version of that CD single was released in Austria (658877 2), though there is a decent version that was released in Australia (Dance Pool DAN 658168 5) and here in Canada as a purely promotional release (Sony CDNK736).

So ya, I want that CD. I don't want to pay $50 for it or deal with some questionable dealer out of New York. And I'd be glad to pick up any other Deep Forest albums, if you ever happen to stumble across them.

Thanks!

The Butcher

This is a Shrike. My father and I could not decide whether it was a Norther Shrike or a Loggerhead Shrike (the yearly migrations unfortunately blur at this time of year). Very rare here in Alberta, definitely not something I expected to see in my backyard.

A little more research revealed some interesting information about this bird. It looked soft and fluffy, and I figured it would behave in a similar manner... this is not the case.

They are called the "butcher bird", due to their habit of keeping corpses around.

They lack the sharp talons and strong beaks of their raptor brethren. After chasing their prey to exhaustion and stunning it with a hit, the Shrike then takes the insect/lizard/rodent/bird and impales it on a nearby barbed-wire fence or thorny bush. Not only does this fence or bush serve as a handy killing tool, but it also works as a handy skewer from which the Shrike may eat.

That is a crazy bird...


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