I had a conversation with my daughter tonight...
No, I've not been keeping secrets. I remain single and lonely.
My mind is constantly running through all of the various permutations of events in the past, present, and future. I know just what I should have said to the bullies in my past; I have thought through countless ideas for the wooing of, and the eventual proposal to a woman (I'm quite debonair and charming in my imagination); and tonight, in one of the rarer moments of this madness, I had a conversation with a child. My child.
I don't know whether I'll ever be married; I don't know whether I'll ever be a father; And, of course, I don't know whether any of those possible children be a girl. All I know is that those few moments tonight were extremely happy moments.
It was a basic encouraging parental speech. I told her that she was special and to never lose sight of that fact. I explained humility to her, reminding her to consider those around her before herself. And I seemed to try to offer some advice on dealing with those who seem hell-bent on bringing her down. It started off with the tone and vocabulary that one might use when speaking with a young child. It then seemed to progress to an assumed knowledge of reasoned-morality and a common vocabulary suitable for an older child. That's it. That's all. It was a simple Dad moment.
What triggered this? I have no idea.
How long was I working aimlessly with a blank look in my face?
Yes, this is odd. I'm odd.
No friend of mine should be surprised at the depths of my madness anymore.
I don't know what to take from it. Maybe there is nothing to be taken from it. Either way, I thought I'd just share a momentary glance in to those moments when I kind of zone out. I am thinking at those moments; And rarely am I thinking about something light or inconsequential. You are friends with a dreamer, a mad-man musing on times, worlds, and realities beyond this that we know.
Will I ever be "Daddy"?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Madness begotten
Posted by Jonathan at 11:31 p.m.
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4 comments:
I'm hoping it's normal to have an occasional hypothetical daydream... but if it's any consolation, I'm not convinced that this life is the end to our chance to have a family- there's evidence that the "millenial reign" has a growing population and who knows, maybe even in Heaven as well.
or maybe I'm weird too for even thinking about that
"Our chance to have a family"
Kirsten, I had know idea you felt that way about me!
Just kidding.
Glad to know I'm not alone in my daydreaming.
lol... dreamer :p
SeƱor Harris,
This much is certain, if my experience is anything to go by: parenthood is perhaps the most terrifying — and exhilarating — adventure we ever undertake. To act as a conduit for the formation of a soul, imagine that! When I'm asked why I love my son, I reply, simply, "Because he IS."
Victor
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