When?

At what point should one push ahead with a selfish desire for closure, a desire (the word masochistic comes to mind) for the quick pain of outright rejection over the long and drawn-out suffering and loathing of some bent and addictive form of 'love'?

When does an extended crush become ridiculous? 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years...

It ain't love, I know Paul's letter to the Corinthians (eww, more cliche). Love is an action and I seem unable/unwilling to do anything here. Gotta actually interact with someone to love! They've got to see at least some sign of it! However strong the feelings may be, I certainly can't go around classifying the nonsense within me as love. I could use this musing as a jumping-off point for a rant on crushes and such but I'll simply say that anyone who classifies the "hopeless romantic" feelings and behaviours of Jonathan as a 'crush' is remarkably mistaken. I've, unfortunately, never been able to let my feelings slip in to that convenient notch. My heart is chronically drawn 'too far' by some twisted romantic ideal which has lodged itself within me and I've yet to remove.

Hopelessness: Sitting along on a Saturday evening watching Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, etc. and wondering... "Where's my Meg Ryan". I don't look like Tom Hanks and I'm definitely missing the unassuming 'suavity' and other charming elements which his characters bring to the table. Don't get me wrong, God spent a good while beating in to my mind an understanding of personality attributes, self-confidence, and true identity; I know where I stand with the one who counts and I know that this is where any real 'charm' is going to be derived from. I am not Tom Hanks and I don't want Meg Ryan (she's my mother's age!) but I can't seem to, and don't really want to, get rid of this faint hope that one day I'll be able to exchange witty banter, flirtatious glances, knee wobbling "I love you" speeches, and (something not touched on in these 'romantic' movies) that kind of life lived by those who find the elusive 'true love'. Cut 'chick flicks' out of my life and my romanticism will still remain as I watch and live with friends like Nathan and Lauren who clearly demonstrate what I hope for. This isn't something I can just drop, it is me. And that's unfortunate when it seems like its removal could be a rather round-about solution to this unrequited yet resiliant 'crush'

We are the knights who say... Wii???

I am a Nintendo fan-boy. I mock those PlayStation and Xbox fools. And I was getting to rub their faces in a great big pile of awesomeness when the next Nintendo system, code-named the "Revolution", was released.

I woke up this morning to news that Nintendo had released the official name for the new console (be still my beating heart!). What confronted me on the news sites though was a word so foreign and strange to me that I thought it was some cruel joke... Wii. Yes, that is "Wii". The new Nintendo Wii.

Do I still want it? Yes! But they can be assured that I will be asking for a Revolution at the store counter and will be covering up that Wii nonsense with decals. Some might spend alot of money on high quality decals... as far as I'm concerned, a "Dora The Explorer" sticker would be an improvement.

No, I don't actually spend much time gaming or thinking about gaming in my 'real' life, but seeing as how I am not working and am not in school this week... I think I'm allowed to spend a day occasionally ROFLMAO'ing (that's pronounced rawfflemaow by the way, I pity the fool who thinks I'd say anything else!) at the thought of a name like this.

So, to reiterate:
Yay Nintendo Revolution (as it shall remain)
Boo Wii

Mr. T!

I can't believe I forgot to mention Mr. T...
Quite purposefully placed in amongst the bear, wolf, and cougar cages is this pit, a most vile pit, containing one of the most vicious creatures in all of the zoo.

Some might call him a gopher, some call him a ground squirrel, the brave ones even call him a baby beaver (true story, haha), but those who know only call by him by his real name... MR. T!

He is massive, he is black, he's got a gold chain around his neck, and his pity for the fools is absolutely insane.

That little brown fella there decided to sneak up on Mister on a couple of occasions. Mister would remain seemingly oblivious until the other fuzzball got within a couple of centimeters... then, oh yes then, that fool was pitied. Mr. T would have nothing to do with this jibba jabba! The jumping, spazzing, squeaking, chattering, and growling (you haven't lived until you've heard a gopher growl) was absolutely amazing. The other fella didn't seem to catch on very quickly and kept on coming back for more. Eventually Mr. T crawled in to his home and just sat there growling at the youngster. It was clear that it just wasn't worth his while to fight back, his energy is better spent pitying other fools who learn their lessons.

Zooooooooo

Finished off my astronomy exam on Tuesday evening, jumped at the opportunity to enjoy a guilt free trip to the zoo on Wednesday morning with Cyler. Figured that, after almost a year, it was about time I take advantage of this new camera in that environment.

First we see the ever-cute black-capped chickadee, this little one was dancing on a branch outside one of the monkey enclosures. I love my 70-300mm telephoto, it comes in handy.



Then we have the rare and odd-looking Cyler bird who is known for striking poses at the sound of a shutter. Here we seem him pretending to be a mountain goat.



After some further walking and watching, we came across the Whooping Cranes. Cyler proceeded to make noises which he figured held some similarity to the call of a Whooping Crane. Whether he actually struck the proper warble or simply managed to arouse the curiosity of the creature, we were presented with a perfect headshot of this crane. It's as if he knew well enough to frame himself between the wire of the fence.



Lastly, the Llama. The animal that was so awesome that they gave it two L's. This one looked at us, growled at us, and then generally ignored us. I wasn't arguing, it's indifference provided a number of good poses (I guess it's kind of like the mad or pouty faces which models practice).

Animaniacs! (it's pronounced Otto von Schnitzelpuss - krankenge-scheitmeyer)

The trigger for the readdiction is unknown but, as of yesterday, I've once again fallen under the spell of Animaniacs. I will argue until I'm blue in the face that this was one of the most intelligent cartoon shows of its time (and possibly all time). One must only watch Yakko's World to truly appreciate the genius of this show.


The DVD package is released on the July 25th and I propose that July 29th be the Animaniacs Fest at my house (or someone else with suitable seating and a big tv). It will be madness I tell you! MADNESS!

I choo choo choose you

I was one of those 2 year olds who would bounce around the back seat of the car with joy when I saw a train (usually accompanied by an overly exuberant "Train Train!"). It was an insatiable enjoyment of all things on rails, from model railroad kits to sitting the in Alyth yards with my dad watching the trains 'do their thing'. I've never grown out of it.

I was up in and around Banff last summer and happened to see the telltale pillar of steam of a beautiful old iron horse idleing alongside the station. With a total disregard for anyone else in the car, I made a beeline for the tracks. We spent 45 minutes watching the crew prep the beast (enjoyable for me, not for most) before we found out that it wasn't scheduled to leave for another 2 hours. So I left the station reluctantly and headed back in to town, with the expressed goal of waiting out those two hours so that I could watch (and photograph) the engine as it moved off. We headed back to the station (with careful timing not to miss it) and I joyfully sat on the platform, taking in the sights and sounds of this mechanical marvel as it rumbled past. I was left with a solid sense of bliss (and the pangs of a full bladder... they were late leaving so I had to wait longer than expected).

After that train was out of sight, I was then able to sit and enjoy (much to the chagrin of my car mates) the fact that this was one of CP's main lines and was therefore quite active with powerfully revved multi-engine trains on their passage trough the mountains.

Friday Fun

Polished off most of my homework on Friday and then picked up my long-ignored camera for a good session of portrait learning. My buddy RJ and I, along with the beautiful model Melissa, spent an afternoon in my basement with a bunch of lights, a couple of new backdrops, and a suitable fan to keep the ridiculous temperatures down (hot lights).

Cyler and Trevor supervised, Cyler as the artistic one and Trevor as the guy protecting his girlfriend.

It was much fun and I'm quite impressed with the outcome. I hope to do this more as a method of financing this ridiculously expensive addiction ($2000 camera, $2000 lenses, $2000 lighting strobes, $4000 laptops... the list goes on and on).

If you want your photo taken, let me know. The first few are going to be free, but the costs rises proportionally with my talent (Cyler says this is really slow so not to worry).

Anyways, in to exam week now. A bit more time available now for some photography, some sleeping, and some hanging out. In addition to all of the studying of course. 

Online Stalking - Interesting Article

Since most of the people reading this blog have an 'internet life' (to some degree) of their own, I figured it might be good to read through this article (Cyberstalking: Are you at risk of being caught in the net - WXPNews, April 11). I know I've been guilty of some of it, I've got some photographic heroes who I've got an endless stream of questions for and would desperately like to learn from them more, but I know well enough that they wouldn't like getting their inbox filled or their blog covered in comments so I've purposefully limited my questions, comments, and requests for them. This article summarized very well the kind of person I fear becoming (and the kind of people I fear from past experiences).

An Excerpt:

"Having someone obsessed with you - whether out of anger or unwanted affections - can be a real ordeal, and it's not just high-profile celebrities who find themselves dealing with a foe or "fan" who won't let go. Even if the person doesn't physically threaten you, the fact that someone is following you around, keeping tabs on what you do, and/or contacting you when you want to be left alone is annoying at best and can disrupt your life."

Uh ya... comments are gone...

Was doing something comment related and comments are now gone... not hidden, just gone. Still not used to this blogspot setup.

Should work ok from this point on though.

Sailing...

I was sitting at my desk tonight and something sparked a memory of the sailing trip I went on with my classmates in grade 9. We spent 8 days between the mainland and Vancouver Island, seeing the sights, experiencing the life of a sailor (we did all the work), and, at least in my case, being changed to the core from that point on.

That trip signifies a change within me, from a timid bullied young man to a growing individual with growing self-confidence. It wasn't instantaneous but it began there and has continued since. I was stuck on a boat with some of my greatest bullies for 8 days, I came to appreciate them, work with them, and laugh with them (and they with me). Life-changing doesn't come close to describing what it did to me.

After this memory came to mind, I immediately went searching for any reference online to "The Fine Madness", a beautiful 48' (I think) wood vessel which I called home for that week. A quick google search directed me to a diary of someone else who did this trip a few years later and I honestly had tears streaming down my face as I read about the parallels in that person's experiences with my own. To ride the waves, hear the creaking vessel, wash the decks, and polish the brass... what I would do for that again!

I miss it desperately. There are no words to describe how badly I want to take that trip again. The experience is expensive, and ridiculously hard to justify to friends who haven't done it before, but I will go again, one way or another. And I hope to take many of you guys with me.

Taking a "photo shoot" to a whole new level

What you've got here is a Zenit FotoSnaiper (no typo). Those crazy Russians have been producing these things for years and I just found out about it today.

Guns gotta stay steady, so do cameras, might as well incorporate the two. Stick a camera and crazy long lense on the top of a gun stock.

To put it simply, I want one. I have a Zenit film camera here and the quality is absolutely excellent (1970's era Zenit-E, same type which recorded most of the revolutions in history around that time). The easiest conclusion is that Russians make crazy good stuff (and are very inventive).

Whether sleet or snow or rain or cold...

I love those days when women are forced to dress as if they cared at all for some modicum of modesty. Most people know me as the hater of all things spring and summer but I'd like to alter this perspective with the simple explanation that my distaste for these seasons is primarily based on the weather's allowance for immodest women to return to their "ooo boobies" inspiring clothing which had, for the winter months, been impractical.

Women are beautiful, and I'd be an outright liar if I said that my male eyes were not attracted to their attributes. But I make every effort to keep away from the pervading thought-lifestyle of lust amongst worldy men, and let me tell you it is an active fight to avoid "checking out" the ladies around me. Logically, it is easier to avoid this with sweaters and parkas than when everything is simply free to hang out (covered by the smallest amount of fabric possible).

I hate it, I want to be an honorable man, and women as a whole are constantly complaining about the lack of respect that they get from men, but both are near impossible if they continue presenting this "lust over me" image. It isn't right that women should be viewed as a piece of meat (or "piece of ass" as the media tells me) and guys should be ashamed for viewing/treating them like this, but, at the risk of spouting off "it's your own fault" ideas, the mainstream woman is doing little to counteract this image.

So ya, I'm weak. My eyes guide me and my mind is overly-susceptible to 'glances', this is my struggle and it is something I am desperately working through. But darn it all, ladies... at least try to make it easier for me!

God give me snow, rain, cold, anything to keep the parkas on.