I just finished reading a humourous article containing tips for girls on how to support a platonic friendship with a guy. I found the original to be crude and troublingly worldly but I liked the general idea [the original]. So without further ado, I present to you, Jonny's guidelines for platonic Friendships.
Jonny's Guidelines for Platonic Friendship
Some suggestions for the ladies to avoid any confusion in a male-female friendship.
1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your breasts are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them. (Ya, this may be a bit blunt, but it is reality. I, like many of my dude cohorts, am seeking to live a holy life, sexual temptation is one of the leading attacks against us guys)
2. Your clothing speaks loudly, what is it saying? God made women beautiful, they are an artform beyond any creation of human hands. For us men who still seek some modicum of gallantry, the desire is strong to carefully appreciate the beauty of the women in our lives while not letting the flesh corrupt that appreciation. Are you helping or hurting the cause?
3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, I cannot help but think that she is at least somewhat interested in me.
4. No flirting. If you laugh at a joke of mine, it had better be a funny joke.
5. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. If I am truly making a fool of myself, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.
6. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.
7. No being attracted to me. You weren't interested in me before, if you change your mind but still only want to be friends, don't tell me. In fact, don’t even compliment me as that will torment me for days.
8. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your man friend who, when it comes to relationship advice, will be taking the same stance as your big brother. I officially hate all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay. But don't immerse me in all of the details of your current relationship, there is only so much I can handle. If this rule seems contrary to rule 5, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.
9. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who otherwise have no interest in me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. This keeps it strictly business.
10. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those messages just do not mix with the friend variable.
11. No asking for massages or neck rubs. The messages that sends are way to confusing for our man minds to handle. Shouldn't your wonderful boyfriend be doing that for you anyway?
12. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way. That is just a slap in the face of every nice guy in your life.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Jonny's Guidelines for Platonic Friendship
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Good so good! It does seem hard sometimes to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender. You do need to set rules and boundries on your friendship. As soon as those are blurred then it is confusing for both parties involved! I know friends in my life that would take this idea as well and run with it.
Very awesome. I have long since tried to distance myself from girls that act this way. I have noticed that the more mature a (young) woman is, the less she participates in actions such as these. There are a few women I know who are well over the age of 30 and still act this way, and it sickens me for the lack of immaturity they hold, but I also know some very awesome mature 19 year olds who know this already.
Just so the women know, I will not allow myself to become close if you are not of the proper maturity to be able to handle these.
Way to go Jonny. My favorites are 8 and 12. Especially 12.
Cyler seems so serious. This was a joke right? Right? Just kidding, kind of...
PS I like the new layout, although I did notice a recent typo with a missing t for the word the and a missing link for [the original]. I only told you because it's your job. On a more valuable note, I enjoy both your vocabulary and your explanatory measures in obtaining such pedantic verbosity.
Realize that I just learned about pedantic from Pam who used it all the time out of context because it made her sound smart which is a little ironic. So I used it accordingly.
You're a piece of crap plagiarizer.
Post a Comment