When?

At what point should one push ahead with a selfish desire for closure, a desire (the word masochistic comes to mind) for the quick pain of outright rejection over the long and drawn-out suffering and loathing of some bent and addictive form of 'love'?

When does an extended crush become ridiculous? 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years...

It ain't love, I know Paul's letter to the Corinthians (eww, more cliche). Love is an action and I seem unable/unwilling to do anything here. Gotta actually interact with someone to love! They've got to see at least some sign of it! However strong the feelings may be, I certainly can't go around classifying the nonsense within me as love. I could use this musing as a jumping-off point for a rant on crushes and such but I'll simply say that anyone who classifies the "hopeless romantic" feelings and behaviours of Jonathan as a 'crush' is remarkably mistaken. I've, unfortunately, never been able to let my feelings slip in to that convenient notch. My heart is chronically drawn 'too far' by some twisted romantic ideal which has lodged itself within me and I've yet to remove.

Hopelessness: Sitting along on a Saturday evening watching Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, etc. and wondering... "Where's my Meg Ryan". I don't look like Tom Hanks and I'm definitely missing the unassuming 'suavity' and other charming elements which his characters bring to the table. Don't get me wrong, God spent a good while beating in to my mind an understanding of personality attributes, self-confidence, and true identity; I know where I stand with the one who counts and I know that this is where any real 'charm' is going to be derived from. I am not Tom Hanks and I don't want Meg Ryan (she's my mother's age!) but I can't seem to, and don't really want to, get rid of this faint hope that one day I'll be able to exchange witty banter, flirtatious glances, knee wobbling "I love you" speeches, and (something not touched on in these 'romantic' movies) that kind of life lived by those who find the elusive 'true love'. Cut 'chick flicks' out of my life and my romanticism will still remain as I watch and live with friends like Nathan and Lauren who clearly demonstrate what I hope for. This isn't something I can just drop, it is me. And that's unfortunate when it seems like its removal could be a rather round-about solution to this unrequited yet resiliant 'crush'