On Monday night, I watched Stranger Than Fiction with my family. The storyline is witty and emotionally fulfilling. The characters are well-written and masterfully portrayed by some of my favourite actors. I loved it (just as I did when I first saw it in theatres).
BUT!
I came away asking the same question that I so often find myself asking after movies... Why did they have to have sex?
Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with sex. God made it, and he made us to enjoy it. I hope that I may one day marry and experience it for myself. There is a wonderful passage in The Screwtape Letters that says of God (through the tongue of a demon):
He’s a hedonist at heart…. He makes no secret of it; at His right hand are pleasures forever more…. He’s vulgar, Wormwood. He has a bourgeois mind. There are things for humans to do all day long…sleeping, walking, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying, and working. Everything has to be twisted before it is of any use to us.So I say again, there is nothing wrong with sex. But it can be (and has been) twisted.
What perversion am I ranting about tonight? Sex outside of marriage.
I'm hate the seemingly arbitrary Christian answers for no sex before marriage. I believe that the Christian stance is right, and I believe that the bible supports it (albeit implicitly), but this has no meaning for a world that doesn't care what the bible says. What does interest me though is an apparent lack of happiness among those living the promiscuous lifestyle. Not only is it risky and notoriously unhealthy, but it also lacks any of the comfort, fulfillment, and passion of the marriages with which I am surrounded. That is my argument for sex only within marriage.
But yet, most Hollywood movies seem to think that love can be boiled down to a quick romantic moment followed by a breathy disrobing and a quick cut to the apparently contented couple lying naked in bed. A one night stand, or a series of one night stands (it may be the same person, but I cannot bring myself to label their romantic association as anything close to a healthy relationship). This isn't right.
Will Farrell's character brings a box of specialty flours (baking flours) to the lady whose interest he is seeking. That is awesome, I want to be that creatively romantic. He then professes his feelings for her (a disarmingly humble and timid "I want you"), makes some tax jokes, and then plays a guitar and sings an appropriately romantic version of Whole Wide World. Overall, that is some top notch romancing. And the way that she looks at him when he's singing the song... be still, my beating heart!
But then they had sex.
Why did they have to have sex?
They didn't have to have sex!
I don't think that movies are simply mindless entertainment; I simply cannot do that. I laugh, I cry, I memorize... these movie mean something to me and clearly embed themselves in my mind. I'm not alone in this, I doubt that there is anyone out there who is not affected by what they watch (despite whatever they might say).
Did Stranger Than Fiction convince someone to seek sex before marriage? I seriously doubt it. But what is the overall effect of watching similarly themed comedies, dramas, and 'chick flicks' from the age of your first PG movie through till the age when the opportunity for sex appears. How are people supposed to make a positive decision when the 'normal' behaviour which they have seen, throughout all their socially conscious lives, has been negative.
I don't want to stop watching movies like this, I loved 99% of it. But it drives me nuts that writers are too lazy to write an end to a romantic evening that doesn't involve sex. It is possible!
To all of the theatrical/cinematic writers in my life... get to it. Make me proud. Don't be lazy and give in to the status quo.
6 comments:
I totally agree. It has been my thought on many I mean many of the movie choices that we are left with. When it did it be come so acceptable for us that now there is some questioning about some PG rated movies that have almost moved down the scale that once would have been classed at least 14A (which is according to the Alberta rating system)or worse even 18A.
This was the feeling when watching the Oscar best picture nominee Babel. The uncomfortable sex in that movie that portrayed a young deaf Japanese girl in her teen years on the search for sex disturbing. This only being rated 14A. Which means that anyone over the age of 14 could see and rent this movie. Which of course some would because it does have Brad Pitt in it. But the whole story line and the girl's need for affection from her Father that leads to her search for sex. Does not by any means set any sort of example for young people out there.
I am finding this to be a hard thing when I am in search for movies to show my youth at church for our discussions. There are some great movies out there with premarital sex. The value of waiting is one that I want to instill with in my youth. I do not want to say one thing and then show them something completely different.
There are great romantic movies out there where no sex has been shown. Even characters that have resistanced such things. Though they are older then I am. That does not mean they are any less important. For this same reason I find myself flocking to the "teen" romance movies. It is there lack of actual sex that makes them appealing. 10 Things I Hat About You, a great example of the main character not doing what everyone wants her to do and have sex.
Romance is what is missing in movies. The actual falling in love. That is always my favorite parts in Romantic movies. I just hope someday I will find me someone to by me all types of flour. But hopefully not flour...I'm not a baker.
I totally just realized how long this rant just got sorry.
"Not only is it risky and notoriously unhealthy, but it also lacks any of the comfort, fulfillment, and passion of the marriages with which I am surrounded."
Let me play the part of The Devil's Advocate for a second here.
I completely agree that it is risky and unhealthy. I don't condone it in any way. But to say it lacks the comfort, passion, and fulfillment is not necessarily true. It can lack those things. It can also include those things outside of marriage.
Sex outside of marriage is not always meaningless. It is not always the one night stands. One guy who used to work with me was always sleeping with a different girl every night. He was not looked upon very highly by almost everyone else at work. Just because you are having sex outside of marriage does not mean that you are having one night stands. I have found that a lot of Christians clump all pre-marital sex in with the one night stands. It's not the same thing.
Also, when it comes to showing people having sex outside of marriage in movies, it is real. It is not a cop-out in writing, because it's just as easy to have him go home then to have them sleep together. If I was writing a movie like that, I would probably write it the same way, because that is what is normal in our culture. If 2 people like/love each other, then it is weird if they don't. I am not condoning it, just stating the facts.
I hope that wasn't too confusing.
I understand your rants, I am just trying to bring a different view to it.
Jonathan -- I know what the common usage boils down to, but 'sex' is something we _are_, not something we do. We always 'have' sex in this sense because even when we are celibate, we _are_ sexual beings -- at any age. When the forms we fill out ask "Sex" we choose M or F, not "occasionally."
Anyway, I digress. If you want to see a delightful romantic movie with a unique and thought-provoking twist: Groundhog Day -- and pay close attention to the director's commentary on the bedroom scene near the end.
As for the observation that "a lot of Christians clump all pre-marital sex in with the one night stands. It's not the same thing." -- whether it's a one night stand or a multi-year affair, it's not a marriage. Marriage, in the Christian sacramental sense, is not a sexual relationship per se, but it embodies a visible outward sign of sacred unity that is expressed in the sexual realm -- the body makes visible what is otherwise invisible.
Filmmakers are, if anything, susceptible to pandering to the lowest common denominator in human culture, and in choosing to reflect what is socially acceptable, they often document the banality of sin but do not aspire to incline humankind towards the ideal to which we are called: holiness -- yes, even in sexual union. Rarely does any film, Christian or secular, approach this artistic and aesthetic zenith. A Christian filmmaker as an artist should aspire to more than mere lament on the state of the world. A Christian filmgoer should discern whether what they are watching is spiritual poison even if it has artistic merit. To help in this regard, may I recommend
http://www.decentfilms.com/
The image of Christ as bridegroom and church as bride is still familiar to biblically literate Christians, but it is all but lost to a generation of spectacular heathens. 'Christianity' is nominal at best for many who profess it -- what Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls cheap grace. Having lost their will to be salt and light, nominal Christians echo the inanities of the world, and are more or less conformed to it. In short, the Sermon on the Mount no longer resonates in their consciousness. Re-read and reflect on Matt 5:1-12 and especially 5:13. As G. K. Chesteron dryly observed, "Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried."
Truer words were rarely ever written.
One more thing... this should answer some questions about the sinfulness of sexual contact outside of marriage:
http://tinyurl.com/yo4ubu
Thank you, Jonathan. Thank you for not only having such virtues to begin with, but also the courage to take a stand for them. Your posts (rants?) mean so much to me after everything I've been through. Stay strong.
Actually I did think about exactly this thing recently and tried to find out exactly how movies I owned showed sex between MARRIED people. I can think of but a handful.
BRAVEHEART
Oops, did I say handful because that is the only one I can think of. And of course later on in the movie there is sex between unmarried people.
Oddly enough this was sparked by the loving romantic relationship (which included a sex scene) in another movie I saw in theatres between a MARRIED couple.
Yes, that movie was 300.
Honestly I wish more movies showed that passion can still exist after the initial catch. I'd gladly have them show it (it doesn't have to be explicit) but why do the unmarrieds have all the fun? Based on the way sex is portrayed the only thing married people do is talk in bed. Married people in movies are always sort of cold to each other. Maybe this is a subtle reason people don't see marriage as any fun?
(By the way Mr. and Mrs. Smith is another example of a married sex scene, but I refuse to count it as a good example)
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