A gentleman...

Here at the close of Christmas day, I am sated. It was enjoyable and I am most thankful for the time I was able to spend with my family. The gifts were nice as well, though I'd like to think that I've grown less materialistic as I've aged.

The highlight of my day was receiving four books from the "Gentlemanners" series. As authors, John Bridges and Bryan Curtis succeed in presenting etiquette in a clear, succinct, and memorable manner. The four books cover: table manners, entertaining/hospitality, the writing of toasts and correspondence, and everyday behaviour. I was introduced to the series through my friend Trevor. A few of us friends were sitting in his basement and he decided (the causal circumstances are long forgotten) to mockingly orate an excerpt from "As A Gentleman Would Say." I was won over and have, from that point on, desired to add that book (and its companion volumes) to my library. Though some of the ideas could be considered culturally irrelevant or "over the top," most of the books contain very valuable advice which I intend to learn and enact throughout my life. I've always wanted to be a gentleman, known for the feelings of respect and honor that people feel they receive from me. Plus, its always handy to know weird things like how to cut in during a waltz and what to say to a lady whose evening dress looks like maternity clothing.

With that said, I figured I'd share the opening section of "A Gentleman At The Table." Since much of our time together is spent around a table, I couldn't think of a more suitable excerpt to share.


32 things every gentleman should know before he comes to the table.

1. A gentleman does not "grade" the table manners of his fellow diners.
2. A gentleman does not assume that his fellow diners are "grading" his own behaviour.
3. A gentleman does not talk with his mouth full.
4. A gentleman does not chew with his mouth open, nor does he smack his lips, no matter how delicious the food may be.
5. A gentleman makes as little noise as possible while eating.
6. A gentleman does not chomp on ice.
7. A gentleman does not pick his teeth at the table.
8. A gentleman keeps his napkin in his lap while he is eating. He does not tuck it into his shirtfront.
9. A gentleman sits up straight, especially at the table.
10. A gentleman keeps his elbows off the table when a meal is under way.
11. If a gentleman finds that he has breadcrumbs on his shirtfront, he brushes them off.
12. A gentleman finds no need to apologize for bread crumbs.
13. A gentleman does not play with his food, knead his bread with his fingers, or stir the last uneaten morsels of his dinner about on the plate.
14. A gentleman does not wear his ball cap or any other headgear at the table.
15. If a gentleman is asked to pass the salt or pepper, he passes them both.
16. A gentleman does not leave the table without asking to be excused.
17. When a gentleman leaves the table, he not need explain his reason for asking to be excused.
18. A gentleman does not lean back in his chair.
19. A gentleman tries his best not to belch or burp at the table.
20. A gentleman knows that belches, burps, and coughs can occur at any time. He keeps his napkin ready to muffle unfortunate sounds.
21. A gentleman need not use his pock-handkerchief to stifle a slight sneeze, cough, or burp at the table. Instead, he uses his napkin.
22. If a gentleman finds himself in a situation, such as a fit of sneezing that necessitates the use of his pocket-handkerchief, he leaves the table.
23. A gentleman never blows his nose at the table.
24. A gentleman says please and thank you, especially to servers, in a restaurant or in a private home.
25. A gentleman does not wolf down his food.
26. A gentleman does not slurp his soup.
27. A gentleman does not attempt to cool his food by blowing on it. If he fears singeing his taste buds, he lets his food gradually and undisturbed in its own bowl or on its own plate.
28. A gentleman never argues with a server, at a restaurant, or at a private party.
29. Whether he is an invited guest or the host of a restaurant party, a gentleman shows up on time.
30. A gentleman does not overstay his welcome. However, he may linger at the table after dinner along with the other guests and his host or hostess, knowing that such moments are often most pleasing and satisfying of the evening.
31. A gentleman does not loosen his belt, no matter how discreetly, even after an extravagantly large meal.
32. In any aspect of his life, but especially at the dinner table, a gentleman does not bite off more than he can chew.

Christmas Party Proof

The day after the annual Harris Family Christmas party. I enjoyed myself, I hope everyone else did. It was definitely a bit more subdued with our loudest and most energetic friends either crippled or out of town.

Some choice photos from the evening:


I had to work for this shot. Melanie spent all evening blocking various people's attempts to photograph her. It remains my goal to become skilled enough at photography to make people like Melanie and Amy comfortable in front of my camera.



Dan and Holly. It was nice to finally meet Holly; We had heard about her for well over a year but had never actually met her. She's a very nice young lady. She and Dan make a cute couple.



Trevor and his creepy cardboard girlfriend.



Here we see Nolan, making a move on Trevor's creepy cardboard girlfriend.



The ever lovely Amy. RJ took this shot and clearly has some kind of amazing talent. Amy screams and cowers when I try to take her photo.



Suited Trevor and the cripples (RJ and Nolan). RJ has a nice line of staples in his arm from a recent fracture; Nolan has a small bandage on his knee, the size of which really contradicts the gruesomeness of the nail-gun wound beneath it.

Party in Six Days

So, my Christmas party is in six days. Hooray for all who are coming, I pity those who are not (Banff, cruise, exams... lame excuses people!)

I figured I'd post a reminder regarding my desire for competing gingerbread creations. Last year there were only two... We must have more gingerbread creations!

So to spur you on in your creativity, the blueprints for my creation are below. Christ Church Anglican Cathedral in Fredricton, New Brunswick [the real thing]. Designed by famed Gothic Revival architect, Frank Wills. This has long been one of my favourite peices of Canadian architecture; I hope I can do it justice with this oh-so-delicious recreation.

Writing Resources

Having just completed my term paper, it occured to me that I have a whole stack of resources which might have been helpful for my fellow post-secondary students. If you aren't done your semester yet, feel free to borrow some of these. If you are done, sorry, but you are welcome to use these next semester.

• The Chicago Manual of Style 15th Edition (The writer's bible)
• Turabian's "A Manual for writers of Term Papers, Theses, and Dissertations" (Gold)
  
• Strunk & White's "The Elements of Style" (The writer's apocrypha)
• Reuben's "Science and Technical Writing " (Excellent for anything scientific)
• Blake & Bly's "The Elements of Technical Writing (Great for those scared of big books)
• Hacker's "Rules for Writers 4th edition" (The 'illustrated children's book' of writing resources. Very accessible and very handy)
• Campbell's "Coherence, Continuity, and Cohesion" (Painful to read, but the theory is good)

I have a few others lying around which I'd also be glad to loan out.

And, of course, if you ever need advice, editing, or critiques, I'd be glad to help. I'd like to think that the last four years of school have molded me in to a half-decent technical writer.

Hugs

The following video is about free hugs. It is quite awesome. Yes, this does seems to counter what I said over the last few weeks, chalk it up to me being a complicated individual.

[Edit: I was going to try and do some awesome embedded video here but it just wasn't cooperating. Check out the link]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diccc7je8tg

Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

Once in a while, God gives me an evening where my voice actually sounds good. I love it, I sing loudly in my car, loudly enough for me to actually hear the echo and realize that I'm actually sounding decent. It happened singing Christmas carols in the car the other night, and I couldn't help but think about the movie Elf and the short scene where Buddy and Jovy sing together (in the ladies washroom, no less). This is something I have long desired (the singing, not the ladies washroom). I want to sing to, and with, the lady of my life. And, by golly, on those nights where my voice doesn't sound like a strangled cat, I can't help but dream that I could sing to that lady and woo her with crooned lines like "Your eyes are like starlight now" or "I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell."

Thankfully the good voice doesn't come around often, I'd hate for the ladies to miss my oh-so-charming stutttters and misspeaks.

Go see a movie with Jonny (you know you wanna)

My "movies to be seen" list is below with each movie's respective release date. I likely won't be seeing them on the day that they come out, but hopefully not too long after. If you want to join me, let me know.

Edit [Nov. 10]: [Further edited on November 29] Discussions with wise people in my life has somewhat lessened by fervent protests against Borat. I still stand strong in my dislike for the exploitation of people, but calling my friends out and insulting them because they enjoyed the movie was wrong. There were funny parts and I did laugh at them, but I won't be watching this movie again simply because of their placement of these funny moments within an otherwise (IMO) despicable movie.

Edit [Nov. 11] My faith in movies is restored. Stranger Than Fiction is amazing and made me so happy. Many would likely disagree but I'd label it as an excellent date movie, but then again I also found Will Farrell's "Elf" to be a charmingly romantic movie (I'm a sucker for couples that sing together). The narration was both witty and eloquent and the story premise was, though silly at points, thoroughly charming.

Edit [Nov. 29] Happy Feet has been watched. Please see the review below for the full dose of my exuberance.





Movies Seen
Now Playing - Borat!
[Seen on November 10] Not only was this a waste of my time, but I honestly feel guilty for not walking out of there. I am no prude, I enjoy Monty Python films and am either able to ignore or handle off-color jokes... but the few truly funny moments of Borat were sparsely placed throughout an otherwise over-the-top offensive movie based wholly on the manipulation and humiliation of others. It could be argued that many of them deserved it, but I am still not comfortable with the exploitation of people, especially for the laughter of others.
Now Playing - Stranger Than Fiction
[Seen on November 11] This is an excellent movie. I came away very happy (soured by the theft of my family truck... but still, the movie was excellent). I would love to see this movie again. And I know I will thoroughly enjoy it even if I don't make it a date movie (as mentioned above).
Now Playing - Happy Feet
[Seen on November 29] Happy Feet made my feet happy, along with the rest of me. My romantic side was aww'd, my funny bone was tickled, my toes were made to tap, and my nerdiness was awash in computer generated bliss. This movie is spectacular. Please, take me with you when you go to see it, I will be glad for any excuse to enjoy this movie again.


Movies I Have Yet To See
Now Playing - The Queen
Now Playing - Flushed Away
Now Playing - Casino Royale
December 1 - The Nativity Story
December 8 - Unaccompanied Minors
December 22 - Night at the Museum

"I hate Christmas parties"

No, I don't actually hate Christmas parties, but one of the many themes in that song by Relient K is the idea of being uncomfortable at parties.

What's so uncomfortable? Unfamiliarity!

I can go to a party and be perfectly happy simply hanging out with my well established friends. But, at least in my mind, this defeats one of the primary purposes of a party: meeting people! Unfortunately, this also happens to be one of my greatest fears.

Will they like me? Will they want to talk to me? Will it get akward after a minute or two? Do they even want to be approached by me?

I'm not one who hides well, most people notice me fairly quickly in a group. For years I figured that I was an odd-man-out with this shyness and that anyone who was actually interested in talking to me, would. My conclusion from those years? Either no one wanted to talk with me, or there are a whole lot of other people like me out there who aren't comfortable with making that first walk across the room.

I have met many interesting people in my life and had many excellent conversations with them, but none of these are attached to parties. They are all situations where I've been, for lack of a better description, forced in to close quarters with someone and gotten to know them better out of necessity. But I'd hate to think that my only way of meeting people is by force.

So how do I take it to the next level? I honestly don't know. Heck, I've been reading Jen's blog for weeks in amongst my travels through our blog circle but yet I didn't even make an effort to walk over, officially introduce myself, and chat at Amy's party last night. We can read and comment on detailed and introspective journal entries from each other but yet I didn't even go bother to sit down and talk. How friendly is that?? So something has got to change because, if for absolutely no other reason, I am convinced that there are a whole lot of very interesting people out there who I have not talked to and who I am missing out talking with because of my shyness. It's time for a change.

Things for me to remember at a party:

• The only opinion which really matters is that of God (a slip of the tongue or a failed conversation is not a huge loss in the big scheme of things).
• I don't need to be the last one at the party, a mid-evening departure is not an etiquette-busting option if I've carried myself well for the time what I was there and exhausted all opportunities for socialization.
• I'm pretty good at reading people, I shouldn't fear approaching them as long as I am aware of their reactions and make appropriate decisions regarding whether I should continue a conversation or not.
• As awestruck as I am around women, I'm gonna have to grow up and talk to them someday, however knee-shakingly nervous I may be. 50% of the people I meet will be ladies, and I'm sure they've got some interesting stories to hear as well. I have to be careful about flirting and such, but I'd like to think I have enough self-control to actually keep up a conversation with a woman without slipping in to 'romantic Jonny' mode.
• I need to actually know what I'm talking about. If I don't and someone else does, I need to be humble enough to listen and learn. If I do, maybe that's my 'interesting' topic for the night. Either way, need to watch my pride.

So that's where I'm at. Any other suggestions are always welcome.

4-chords

For those who know and love music, I would suggest watching the following link.

4 chords, whole buncha songs.

Winter Memories

Having just read Jen's post about those special moments in life, I was reminiscing about an evening that I had 2 years ago, during the Christmas season.

I had been working late at the college and found myself waiting waiting for the 9:00 #13 to arrive. It was probably around -20 or so outside with a light dusting of snow falling. Those of us who were waiting were surprised when we saw an oddly colored, older model, #13 bus adorned with the old mechanical route sign. It was an absolutely wonderful (never thought I'd use those words to describe a Calgary Transit vehicle) experience. It had an incomplete looking purple/beige paint job (inside and out), thickly-padded split-bench seats with real fabric upholstery, rear doors that still had to be opened by the driver, and a heating system which somehow managed to evenly heat the entire bus to that perfect "in from the cold" temperature without any uncomfortable hot spots. I gazed around for a moment, found my favourite seat (window, door-side, right in front of the rear doors), and settled in. My CD player had a mixed Christmas album playing on it and I was absolutely blissful as I rode that crazy looking bus through 35 minutes of some of the most beautiful scenes imaginable (Upper Mount Royal homes with fresh snow and that ethereal winter glow).

I praised God alot during that ride. That experience, at least for me, was a joy blessing in one of the most unusual and unexpected forms. God knows what we like, and He can and does meet those likes once in a while, but that night taught me that He knows me well enough to give me a joy well beyond what I could have imagined, even through something as seemingly kitschy as a bus.

Touch

[I had this post up for a couple of hours last week, but I removed it out of fear that I really was quite weird in feeling this way. Having, just now, returned from a weekend retreat where this very topic came up, I feel comfortable posting this, knowing that I am not alone in feeling this way, and that the physical contact "love language" is actually quite common.

It is also worth noting that this was written in a rather selfish mood where I somehow skipped over my family who often demonstrates caring through a hugs and such. I guess that I was assuming that as a given, and only looking externally.]

It is no wonder to me that self injury is so common these days. Those who suffer with it often make claims of chasing some kind of feeling in an otherwise numb life. I thank God for the hope He has given me to stay away from that struggle, but I know the numbness all too well.

If you were placed in a pitch dark room for a long period of time, wouldn't you naturally question after a while whether you had simply gone blind at some point and you now simply couldn't see what had turned in to an otherwise bright and friendly room? I was sitting here trying to remember the last purposeful touch that I had given to, or received from, a friend. A hug, a pat on the back, a squeeze of the shoulder, a hand on the head... nothing. Last night, in one of those dark and negative moods, I sat in my room questioning whether I would actually be able to feel anything if someone actually did dare come near me.

The apostle John sat beside Jesus, laying his head on the chest of the messiah while they talked. There was such intimacy (we need to reclaim this word from the purely 'sexual' usage) in that connection. A student and his rabbi, two friends.

Our group used to pray intimately, "texas style" as Nolan and Faye deemed it (the electric chair). You would be covered in hands and you knew that you had some connection with those people. Your shoulders would be squeezed, your head would be patted, you would be jostled back and forth, there was no doubt that you were loved.

Now, on the rare occasion that we actually pray for each other, there is no contact. Nor is there much contact at any other points. It's like we're lepers, or think everyone else is. Guys don't dare touch other guys any more. I hate that the specter of homosexuality has destroyed the idea of this kind of non-sexual intimacy among men. It was a true and valuable kind of friendly/brotherly intimacy before it was perverted and attached to corrupted sexuality. Why can't we, as Christian brothers, be as close as Jesus and John.

I don't know if I am totally alone in this or not. I'm sure that I've freaked out a bunch of you. But I cannot ignore the fact that I crave touch: it is how I know that people care for me. It also happens to be one of the most uncomfortable things for people to do around someone like me (no one likes touching a fat guy), and for that reason I am equally hesitant to dole it out as I don't know how it would be taken. I am very confident that I am not alone in feeling this way.

I'd also like to mention that I do believe that this disconnect is justified in terms of my actions of this sort towards women. In my experience, there are two sorts of guys who are comfortable expressing themselves in this manner with their lady friends:

• Real men of God who have gained the maturity, self-control, and respect for women through the lense of God.
• Guys who are comfortable exploiting their lady friends to fulfill an agenda of lust (acknowledged or not) under the guise of real friendship.

The former being the goal which I long for but have yet to reach. The latter being what I dread becoming. So I have to say, as much as I wish that I didn't, that there is value in rule #1.

(That's alot of stuff, I know. But I'd like to hear your thoughts on it.)

'tis the season

Mr. and Mrs. Horch (the younger) were getting all mushy under the open hatchback of my car the other day. The ensuing discussion ended with the insistence that my car needed mistletoe... so here's a mock-up of the eventual setup


For further effect, I will now quote some lines from one of my favourite Christmas tunes: "Mistletoe" by The Heebee Jeebees

Oh the weather outside is grating,
If you don't have luck with dating,
If your love life has left you low,
Mistletoe mistletoe mistletoe.
...
If you pucker up for a kiss,
It's the shrub that you're gonna need,
And the truth of the story is,
It brings happiness, this Christmas weed.
...
Results are more safe than drugging,
And it just might lead to hugging,
You'll be married before you know,
Mistletoe mistletoe mistletoe

Pure Fashion

I have some awesome coworkers. One in particular, Victor, constantly amazes me with new tidbits about the world. On Monday, he introduced me to some photos he took at the Pure Fashion show in May of this year. I could tell you about the crazy camera equipment he has (and my jealousy over it) but what really struck me was the beauty of the young women in the photos.

As I've said in other posts, I enjoy looking at women. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I find them fascinating and beautiful. But there needs to be a clear distinction made between the appreciation of a woman's beauty and the act of "checking her out;" The former is pure and respectable, comparable to the times when I praise God over the beauty in a sunset, flower, or lanscape. The latter is most often sexual and disrespectful to the woman, not unlike shopping in a meat market. Too often I find myself redirecting my eyes away from an immodestly dressed woman because I know my weaknesses and recognize that there is no way I'll be able to look at her in a respectful manner. The question which must always be asked is whether a woman has a face or personality in the mind of the men who see her. If her clothing is modest, her smile, eyes, personality, laugh, and behaviour will be ingrained in the minds of men who meet her. If her clothing is immodest, she might as well look like this as that is all that the guys will see and remember.

So here we have a fashion show based entirely on promoting modest and virtuous dress for young ladies (please notice the lack of frumpy grandma-sweaters and burkas). How awesome is that.

(Note: Yes, I know that the Venus de Milo has a head... that wouldn't have illustrated my point very well. Hooray for Photoshop).

How to know if something is funny.

My father is my humour litmus test. Only the dry wit of an engineer can give a reliable assessment of the true humour of a situation. If he chuckles, that is good. If he laughs out loud, that's even better. But when he giggles, I know the joke has hit its mark.

I present to you, a giggle-worthy image.


[a play on " oh the humanity", for those who don't know what this is referring to]

Jonny's Guidelines for Platonic Friendship

I just finished reading a humourous article containing tips for girls on how to support a platonic friendship with a guy. I found the original to be crude and troublingly worldly but I liked the general idea [the original]. So without further ado, I present to you, Jonny's guidelines for platonic Friendships.


Jonny's Guidelines for Platonic Friendship
Some suggestions for the ladies to avoid any confusion in a male-female friendship.

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your breasts are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them. (Ya, this may be a bit blunt, but it is reality. I, like many of my dude cohorts, am seeking to live a holy life, sexual temptation is one of the leading attacks against us guys)

2. Your clothing speaks loudly, what is it saying? God made women beautiful, they are an artform beyond any creation of human hands. For us men who still seek some modicum of gallantry, the desire is strong to carefully appreciate the beauty of the women in our lives while not letting the flesh corrupt that appreciation. Are you helping or hurting the cause?

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, I cannot help but think that she is at least somewhat interested in me.

4. No flirting. If you laugh at a joke of mine, it had better be a funny joke.

5. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. If I am truly making a fool of myself, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

6. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

7. No being attracted to me. You weren't interested in me before, if you change your mind but still only want to be friends, don't tell me. In fact, don’t even compliment me as that will torment me for days.

8. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your man friend who, when it comes to relationship advice, will be taking the same stance as your big brother. I officially hate all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay. But don't immerse me in all of the details of your current relationship, there is only so much I can handle. If this rule seems contrary to rule 5, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

9. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who otherwise have no interest in me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. This keeps it strictly business.

10. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those messages just do not mix with the friend variable.

11. No asking for massages or neck rubs. The messages that sends are way to confusing for our man minds to handle. Shouldn't your wonderful boyfriend be doing that for you anyway?

12. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way. That is just a slap in the face of every nice guy in your life.

Gingerbread Architecture

2 years, 2 Christmas parties, and 2 gingerbread creations demanding more skill than I could muster. I know that there are some who could pull off the gothic-revival detailings of the Canadian parliament buildings or the guldastras or the pistaqs of the beautiful Taj Mahal, but I am definitely not one who holds those talents. Young Ms. Archer showed up last year with a masterful mansion/fortress containing elaborately decorated parapets, fine icing detailing, and, the piece de resistance, stained glass windows. She is definitely one of those who could actually master the famous ones. I think that she should try for St. Patrick's Church in Medicine Hat. (note: each word in that name has a different link)

So in light of the ridiculous lengths I've gone to in jurry-rigging support for otherwise doomed creations, I think I'll stick with something simple like a pleasant cottage or something like that. Ooo, maybe that crazy-awesome wood-cutters cottage from Sleeping Beauty (yes, we watched it a few days ago at the Horch house, it was as wonderfully sappy as I had remembered it).

PS. No, I don't have the architectural terminology of the Taj Mahal memorized. Wikipedia is a wonderful thing.

Wyndham Carseland - Take 2

Got around to processing the remainder of my shots from an October 8th camping trip. I've got a long way to go in terms of thought and application but I am pleased with my improvement over the last year or so. I love this, and I want to share it (both the activity and the end results) with others who enjoy it as well.

Seriously, I need some exercise. Grab your camera, call me up, and lets go shooting. Wherever, whenever, and whatever.


A run-of-the-mill shot from a gravel bank in the river.


A flower, cropped in a "bookmark" style which I've become fond of lately.


Friends of the family, father and son with their dog. We were out on a gravel-bar with our slingshots, target practice on rocks and driftwood.


The moon about 10 minutes after sunset. I took a highly bracketed set of shots here to give me he glow, the lit landscape, and a detailed moon which I could then combine together once I got home.


4-minute shot of the road beside our campsite. Didn't expect the truck to go through, I liked the results though.



Another 'bookmark' crop, taken from the shot which I posted with the original bunch.

Jonny's Most Premium Christmas Party

We're growing up, and it seems that our schedules fills up earlier with each year we add to that count. So now you have 2-months warning, I've already missed deadlines for some but I hope that I haven't missed the window for rest of you.

December 16 is my family's annual Christmas party and you are formally invited. The format of past years has seemed agreeable to most so I won't be changing much, I am open to ideas though. The usual stuff being: food, games, movies, gingerbread architecture contest (prebuilt, we lack construction facilities here), and maybe some movies (Grinch, Charlie Brown, He-Man). We'll probably commence festivities around 7:30 or so.

Give me a call or email if you plan to come.

The Aftermath

So you saw me rant about Africa. Surprisingly, there was no swift response from the Almighty saying "you're wrong." Doesn't mean that He agreed with me (we're talking about THE love here), but He didn't strike me down.

He has been working on me over the last few days though. Examining how my faith reality can mix with an otherwise cynical and angry political reality. What has come out of it is an idea of parallel motivations and working. I still say that something needs to change over there (Africa or wherever), that is undeniable. We're talking about systematic restructuring of governments, communities, and the entire way of life. But this cannot trump my compassion for the hungry, homeless, persecuted, and ill over there. I've gotta try and hit both.

Giving food to people while working to help them build the infrastructure (people, tools, education, etc.) for them to eventually make their own food. Curing their diseases while working to help them train doctors and buy medicine on their own. Providing for widows and orphans while working towards social programs to help reduce the root causes behind both of those conditions.

And, arguably the most important part, in these actions, showing love to these people and sharing the truth. We have missionaries who march in to places, shove God down people's throats, and ruin societies. Then we have humanitarian organizations which deal with the physical needs but don't address the spiritual. God cares about these people, body and soul.

Flirtatious Jonny

I think most people would agree that I am anything but flirtatious. My sexy body doesn't exactly have the women running (at least towards me) and I'm often much too shy to talk, much less flirt, with available ladies in my life. So, basically, my flirtation muscles haven't exactly had a workout in a while.

But, Ah HA!, the telephone rings! A pleasant sounding young lady greets me as Mr. Harris and asks if I'd be willing to spend a short while answering some questions for her regarding financial management and investments. I ask you now to try and imagine a more dry subject. I agree nonetheless and she proceeds with her questioning. By the third question she has clearly ceased her strict adherance to the script before her and we are laughing together about my ridiculously conservative investment habits and my ignorance in many areas of the industry due to my 'grandfathering' in plans through my parents. Of course I can remember very little of my witty banter now but I swear that I actually heard her giggle at one point. This congenial banter continued throughout the conversation. She reached the usual statistical questions but I would, once again, swear that there was more something more than statistical curiosity in her voice when we came to the questions about my age and marital status.

Ya, I could have imagined it all. Every person on her call list tonight might receive that same smile (I learned early on in life to tell if someone was smiling while talking on the phone), but I'm gonna sit here and savour the dream that I managed, with whatever wit and charm I could muster, to catch the eye (or ear as it may be) of a young lady somewhere here in Canada. A guy's gotta dream!

[Please note that the following is political. I could talk at length about my desire to see discipleship in place in these situations, but that's just not what I've chosen to talk about here. Do not doubt my devotion to that goal]

"The question isn't 'how do we fix this?' The question is 'How can we help Africans to do this for themselves?'"

This is the tagline for a short talk given by a lady named Jacqueline Novogratz regarding her work in the provision of aid to Africa and other developing areas of the world. Her talk gave voice to concerns which had long been running within my head without the necessary structure to accurately and, more importantly, persuasively present them. But more importantly, she answered those questions, or at least set me on the path to answering them for myself.

I have always struggled with Africa. I'd like to think that I am known among my friends as a man of compassion and caring, but yet too often I not only skip over the "send money to this starving family" infomercials but, instead, actively think and speak against them. Cyler came back from watching Uganda Rising and was clearly moved, I was almost angry with him. Here is one more example of a manipulative film trying to get us to pour more resources and time in to that continent. One of the largest arguments of mine simply being "why should I give you money if you decided to bring 8 (8!!!) children in to the world when you already couldn't feed yourself." Don't even get me started on the AIDs epidemic, again with the "STOP HAVING SEX!" solution. It is a horrible attitude, the children are indeed starving and the need for help is obvious, but I had many many reservations holding me back. I spent many years as a fan of the darwinian school of thought, and though, thankfully, I now acknowledge the Almighty God and His place over everything, I do still carry with me some of the "realism" involved in darwinism. In this case in particular, if the needs of the population have grown beyond the production of the land (and/or trade/barter relationships within reasonable distances) then the population will be 'naturally' balanced by the reasonable reduction in offspring production combined with the dying off of the weaker members of the society who cannot withstand these conditions. Unfortunately, the site of an empty pantry apparently makes people randy and we've got just enough modern medicine over there to keep very unhealthy people alive much longer.

That is harsh, and from the comfort of my room it is all too easy to say, and I know I'd be saying different if I were looking in to the eyes of starving child in some sub-saharan country. But I honestly wonder what we are supposed to do.

The bible talks about the poor and encourages giving to them, but are we talking about the same poor? The crippled beggar, a province struck with a famine one season, a widow without family (crippled in a high-patriarchal society), these are the poor that we are told to help. In these terms, has Africa ever not been crippled? Has it ever actually had a good growing season? Has it ever actually had a husband? I don't know my history very well, maybe it was an absolutely perfect land before colonialism. Is it the pollution belching plants over here in the developed world that are causing global warming, expanding the deserts well beyond their original borders? Is it the implanted, high-catholic "every sperm is sacred" mentality which is actually at the root of the over-population? Is it the attempts to change them over from a barter-based economy to capitalism?

I don't know what the truth is, but, at the moment, all I see is a massive chunk of infertile land populated by a massive population of remarkably fertile people, apparently opposed to birth control. I struggle, politically, with the idea of endlessly pumping money in to this pit which, from what I've seen so far, doesn't have much hope of actually becoming self-sustaining.
Ever had a leech attach itself to you? I'm told that the desire to dispatch that creature in the most expedient manner is overwhelming. Africa is a plush leech, made soft and cuddly enough to help us forget the staggering resources that are flowing out of us, in to it.






So that was my attitude, chosen not for its apparent virtues (none) but simply because I couldn't see anything else. This speech by Ms. Novogratz clearly delineated a realistic approach for the support and, more importantly, the sustainable growth of Africa. A realistic alternative to the status quo, helping them become productive members of society or, at least, getting them the real help which they need, instead of just handing over spare change. A treatment of the root cause, instead of simply addressing the symptoms. This gives me hope, because I now actually see all of the developing countries as they truly are, brimming with possibility for growth, ready for a change in a positive direction. The change in my mind is remarkable, it is no longer a leech. A lion with a thorn in its paw. I can actually say that I am beginning to see the proud creature which Africa could be once it gets to its feet.

Just to further clarify, for those who now think I am a monster, what I had said in this post is representative of a mindset which has recently changed. The questions that I ask here still remain strong in my mind, but I've got a new dose of compassion , hope, and (arguably the most important) passion to see what I can actually do in this area.


Watch the video. I'd love to hear what you think.

Awesome Angry Duck

It is rare that I let my TV sit on the Treehouse childrens network for longer than a second or two, but, by chance, I stumbled across this TV show which absolutely intrigued me. It is simply called Pocoyo (apparently it means "a little of me" in spanish, but it is rooted in the mispronunciation of a bedtime prayer by the daughter of one of the producers).

The animation is excellent, the characters are interesting and cute, but, most importantly, the duck is sarcastic! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


Fussy Duck




The Big Sneeze

I like my car

For those who have not driven with me in my car, we need to go do on a road trip or something. Mostly because if you haven't ridden in my car, we obviously haven't been hanging out enough. But if you needed more of a reason, maybe an awesome video will convince you.

The list

Most people have a list of what they hope for in their future spouse. I've found issues with this method in the past, especially with the heartache and limitations it places on relationships which are clearly from God but yet don't fit this man-made mold. But there is one list which I love and keep close to my heart as I wait. It was provided by (at least try and look surprised) C.S. Lewis.

My Dear Wormwood.
So!

Your man is in love - and in the worst kind he could possily have fallen into- and with a girl who does not even appear in the report you sent me...

I have looked up this girls dossier, and am horrified at what I find. Not only a Christian, but such a Christian - a vile, sneaking, simpering, demure, monosyllabic, mouselike, watery, insignificant, virginal, bread and butter miss!

The little brute!

She makes me vomit. She stinks and scalds through the very pages of the dossier.

I've always believed that, apart from God, the ones who know us best are our enemies. They see us without rose coloured glasses, they aren't forgiving, and they don't pull any punches. Here is a list written as if by a demon, encompassing exactly what I hope for in a woman. I hope that she does truly stink and scald through the dossiers of hell.

A great big cup of gross incompetence

The title basically describes how I started my morning. A morning leading in to a day which saw me in the office of the vice-president of operations, in Banff under the scornful glares of a group of delegates from my company, and in the office of my manager who was threatened with dire consequences if he ever let anything of this magnitude happen again.

The setting:
The largest conference on remediation in Alberta (my company listed as a major sponsor of the event).
A booth space at the conference, paid for months ago with a cheque equivalent to a large portion of my yearly income.

I am in charge of organizing our delegation and the materials for every tradeshow that my company attends. This was the case here as well. What was different is that I somehow forgot to organize a volunteer to transport and setup our tradeshow booth at the conference.

An angry call from the VP yesterday to my boss (I was in class, so they didn't call me) saw two of my coworkers in a panicked drive up to Banff with the booth, arriving just in time to set it up on day two of the three day conference, after our spot (proudly labelled with the handy reservation tag) sat empty for 36 hours between the booths of many of our largest competitors.

Today was a blur from when I first arrived (glare from my boss boring a hole in to my skull) to when I left (glares from delegates arriving back from the conference). Sat through a meeting with the VP, fighting the urge to break down in tears or throw myself through the plate-glass window behind him. Spoke with my boss after his meeting with the VP, a meeting which basically gave him the promise of dire consequences should anything like this happen again...

I hate that I screwed up. But more than that, I hate that my boss was pilloried for this. He asked me to handle this, he is too busy, he shouldn't have to check in on me every 5 minutes just to be sure that I'm doing stuff right. I screwed up and I got a "do better next time" while he got blamed for it. That's not right, and it bothers me immensly. I said so, to both of them, but I guess this is how hierarchy works. It feels horrible though. Not only did I shame myself, but I shamed my boss and my entire department...

Tommorow's gotta be better.

(Note: Today wasn't all bad. Got a good email back from my beloved Sindy. I miss her, so it is very nice to get a dose of Sindy reality once in a while, even if only by email. I'm a pretty "set-in-my ways" kinda guy, not easily forced out of a rut. Sindy is one of the only people in my life who really managed to push me beyond myself, I am very thankful for it. I've got a long way to go, especially in the area of interacting comfortably with people, but I definitely give her credit for getting that process started within me.)

Weekend at Wyndham Carseland

Was out camping this weekend (actually still am, just in the city to drop my sister off at work). Wanted to toss these photos up.

The first two are different variations (minimal and heavy postprocessing) of the same photo. The latter three are longer exposures taken last night at around 11pm or so. The moon in the second last one is fake. I took two shots (same framing) and then combined them in Photoshop. The different shutter speeds (3 seconds compared to 1/100 of a second) were necessary due to the simple fact that the moon is quite bright. For those not well versed in astronomical trivia, the moon has an albedo of 0.07 which, basically, means that it reflects 7% of the light which hits it. This means that the moon, averaged, will be around 7% as bright as the sun (still rather bright).

The last photo is ugly and boring but I'm tossing it up here because I thought it was a neat experiment, a 4 minute exposure of a road near my camp site.






30 seconds, F/8


3 seconds, f/8


4 minutes, f/8

Eyes

For those who weren't totally scared off by that last post (late night ranting is rarely a good thing), I have a favour to ask.

I want to learn how to photograph eyes.

I like eyes, they are powerful. I want to learn how to capture that power in my photographs (capture the eyes well and everything else will follow).

If there is anyone who would be willing to sit for a bit while I played with camera settings, lighting arrangements, and different shooting angles, I would love to hear from you. When I say anyone, I mean anyone. I don't care if you don't think you photograph well (you do) or you think you aren't beautiful/handsome (you are), if you've got an afternoon or evening free to hang out with me and help with my understanding of eyes, I would love to hear from you.

Wow it's a lonely Jonny (a rarity?)

Sitting around a fire with Nathan, Lauren, Daniel, and a man whose name I have forgotten but who I know is a good friend of Lauren and her family, talking about anything and everything which came to mind. The last few minutes of the of the conversation dealt with our plans for Daniel's romantic future. It was fun, Daniel was a bit uncomfortable (though he was chided thoroughly for this and educated in the proper responses by this very wise man) but I hope that he enjoyed himself nonetheless.

But... here's where those wonky little cogs started creaking and turning within my head. Romance isn't an aspect of my life which is discussed much. It is certainly not brought up comfortably in conversation by others and, should I ever let it slip, it definitely doesn't hold up for long. It is uncomfortable. Honestly. How often in movies have they used the scene of someone holding a dying person, telling them that their not dying and then quickly changing the subject in order to not deal with the reality. My friends maintain a modicum of decency, tiptoeing around the reality at hand. Even if I were the most charming fellow -- an option unfortunately degraded by lacking confidence, growing self-absorption, and seemingly endless unhealthy pride -- the fact would remain that I have a figure which is the antithesis of desirable. So it is there that I find my struggle as one who is hopelessly romantic. I might as well have an unquenchable desire to run the Boston Marathon, it's just about as likely. What the real issue then is how to approach this as talking about it makes others uncomfortable but the resulting pain from keeping it in simply continues the degredation of my personality as well as my self-control and general attention to my physical self.

I wasn't lazy and I didn't over-eat but I gained weight anyway. As I gained weight, I came to care less and less for myself (as others seemingly cared less and less for me) and the downward spiral began. What bursts of confidence and motivation I've had have always fallen away simply with the daunting task of moving this massive frame enough to actually do any good. It is killing me, emotionally and physically. I want to love, I want to be loved, but I don't want a woman to 'settle' for someone like me. No one deserves this.

I hate rants that solicit pity. Pity is of no use to me. I want advice, guidance, help, but I honestly don't think that these are things which can be offered by those around me. I haven't been real with you guys, how could I expect you to be real with me. As hard as it has been to do so, I will continue to look upward for assistance. God is faithful, no matter how badly I've screwed up. Thank you Jesus for paying ALL of that price. I hope I can learn to follow well enough to fix this, because I certainly haven't been doing a good job on my own.

Yes... I see.
(This will mean nothing if you weren't there for the Pinky and the Brain fest on Saturday)

Jonnymobile

What you see below is the new (140km on the odometer at the moment) Jonnymobile.

It is a classy gray, 2007, Honda Fit Sport. Very comfortable, very fun, very efficient, and very useful (I'll gladly demonstrate all possible interior arrangements to those interested). Needless to say, I am a very happy boy. I no longer have to rely on the availability of my parent's vehicles, I won't find myself on the Bowness #1 bus much anymore, and I have an excellent tool for helping friends with both getting around and carrying any number of oddly shaped objects which one would never think would fit in a sub-compact. I finally have the freedom (which I've desired for years) to be able to realistically serve those around me with a vehicle, I love it. Please, use that freedom as you need. I look forward to making myself, and my vehicle, useful.

Communal Art - A proposal

I've had this idea running around in my head for a while but I am now seriously wondering whether something might come of it.

I hope to one day setup a photo studio where I can not only store/use all the usual photographic paraphernalia but also display work and generally provide a comfortable artistic environment. The thing is that I know loads of people, even just in my group of friends, who also display talents and desires which would fit well with a communal art setting. With this diversity, I then think that a general creative/art space would be awesome. Lease a commercial space for the single purpose of providing a space for our friends to do:
- Photography
- Painting
- Sculpture
- Music
- CG art
- etc.

Looking at those things, they all tie in together as well as for many years the backdrops of photographs were beautifully painted renditions of environments. Many artists throughout history have painted from photographic inspiration. Photographic post-processing needs computers and so does CG art, and both use each other to get the best products. Music is just plain awesome (and has often been worked in with the visual arts), and who knows what else could go on there. I don't doubt for a moment that there is a massive demand out there for people wanting photo portraits who would also gladly pay for a painted portrait and even some highly processed prints of both. Not to mention an excellent source of indie music (both live and recorded). Heck, if the space is large enough, why not make room for a video studio as well.

Individual and corporate studio areas combined with a gallery of displayed works. All of these hobbies pay can at least support themselves and the cost of such an establishment and any extra income for people's pockets likely wouldn't be refused.

I dunno, might just be a pipe dream... but whatever it is, it's got me excited.

The worry wart

Jonny the worrier. Always have been and I expect I always will be.
Friend goes to Israel, Israel gets involved in wars on 2 of its fronts...
Friend goes to India, massive bombings hit Bombay (Mumbai)...
Why can't we all just go to happy places like Iceland, where the meadows are green, the lakes are steamy, the cliffs are cliffy, and the women are oh-so beautiful and willing to model for photographers.

I like your attitude

This Burrowing Owl seemed to have some major attitude so I figured that he deserved a big photo.

I'm Back!

Went to church on Sunday and found out that my friend Quinn had just purchased a brand new Nikon D200 with a 80-400mm VR lense. Needless to say, I was jealous and wanted to see that thing in action. We headed down to the zoo after church and spent a good 4 hours walking around.

Those who know me know that I am built like a polar bear so the 26 (78F) degree temperature combined with the humid greenhouse housing the butterflies made it a most uncomfortable experience... but it was worth it. Not so much for the butterflies (it was too hot, they just couldn't stay still) but for the plants. I think my 3rd or 4th college degree will be in botany/horticulture. This little beauty was a lily, sitting on its own lily pad in middle of the pond. I can't tell you any details about it as I didn't bother looking for the label, I was simply entranced by its beauty. I love art, and God is THE artist.

A while to go

I spend my days working in a cubicle, labelled as the 'junior technical writer' of the office. I've spent 4 years studying technical writing. My bookshelf is full of technical communication text books, reference books, and commentaries. I'll be joining the Society for Technical Communication sometime this summer or fall.

But yet I come home, read the blogs of my friends, and am immediately struck by the inherent quality present in their writing, a quality sorely lacking in mine. I can chunk information, reverse engineer documents, manage corporate knowledge-bases, but when it comes to writing convincing, compelling, and enjoyable text, I fail.

I was getting very depressed earlier. Reading a blog which was closer, by leaps and bounds, to C.S. Lewis (my literary and stylistic idol) than I have ever achieved. "I'm supposed to be the professional writer of the group!" was what crossed my mind. Then God hit me.

Greed, pride, and rebellion all were large parts of my life during my first years at the college (and the preceeding secondary-school years) and now it is showing. People ask what I do for a living and I respond, out of habit, that I am a technical writer. I've usually had enough verbal eloquence to convince them that it might actually be a possibility; Thankfully, they very rarely ask me to write an article or report. I'm not good at it. I could pull up a page and stare blankly at it for hours, at a total loss for how to start it. If a piece is completed and I think it's good, I'll usually come back later at a time of humility and see a page pockmarked with horrific grammatical and spelling errors. This is humiliating in personal life but it is damaging at school and downright dangerous at work where my employment hangs in the balance.

The point, finally, is that I've got a long while to go before I will be what I claim to be. God's given me other skills and many opportunities to put them to use but I remain determined, until He tells me otherwise in our discussions, to improve my writing abilities until I am a capable technical writer.

(How's that for an uncommentable blog post! haha)


[Edit: Yes, this post was regarding a post by Faye. I thought I had linked to her previously. Needless to say, she's the one making a reference to Rodin's "Gateway to Hell" in a comment, haha (note: I intend to have a cast of "The Hand of God" somewhere in my house when I move out).

Welcome to the Game! (alternate title: "Ooo Boobies!")

What you are about to read will illustrate, beyond the shadow of a doubt, how nerdy I really am.

I was watching Star Trek this afternoon (nerdy) and thoroughly enjoyed the episode as it was one of the rare ones with Wesley Crusher (played by Wil Wheaton, +2000 nerdy points). It also included a love interest of Wesley's, a rather beautiful young lady who looked oddly familiar but I couldn't put a name to.

So I went on google (nerdy), entered a multi-string search function incorporating everything I new about the episode (including the name of the planet where Riker was vacationing... nerdy) and proceeded to look through the first few results, all of which were Star Trek [The Next Generation] episode banks (NERDS!!) until I found out what I needed.

Turns out it was Ashley Judd. (Who apparently is also an etymologist... hot! [and nerdy!])


Now we come to the source of the odd title for this post. I went to google to look for information about her. After perusing IMDB.com, I figured I see what she actually looked like more recently than 1987 (when the ST episode aired). A click on the Images link presented me with page afer page of Ashley, scantily clad in 'revealing' poses. My reaction (weird by worldy standards) was one of disappointment at the lack of photos showing this clearly beautiful woman in clothing and poses which one could classify as 'appropriate'. I want to be a most vocal rebel against the "Ooo Boobies!" mentality of, if Google tells me anything, the average person. This kind of focus disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the female curves as much as the next gentleman, but I also believe that we've gotta be held to a higher standard and it bothers me when I stumble across such clear signs of the low standards of this world.

To further emphasize the nerdiness, I'm going to refer back to the story line of the episode. Riker, the 'mans man' of the crew, was vacationing on Riza, a party world of sorts, and was being... himself with an alien lady who was there. She introduces him to a game which is relatively pointless and boring apart from the fact that it directly triggers the pleasure centre of the brain. It turns out that she is an evil alien and is seeking to enslave all of Starfleet. Riker, on her suggestion, replicates and shares the game with everyone on the Enterprise (and makes plans to share it everywhere else). In the end, all but one member of the entire crew is addicted to this. He walks the corridors, walking past people staring blankly in to space, moaning and gasping in their own pleasure, totally ignoring interaction with others and their duties to the ship. Wesley Crusher is the only one smart enough to question this and proceeds to analyze the device and figure out how to avoid it through some elaborate plot twists (not worth going in to).

A highly addictive, mind altering, and will-bending influence being pushed by a malevolent force in an attempt to enslave the population by appealing to the pleasure seeking desires common in people by providing a poor imitation of the real thing, in an immediate, accesible, and no-responsibility form... Pornography, masturbation, homosexuality, pre-marital sex, etc. Welcome to the game!

I want nothing to do with it! I want total and utter seperation from these damnable mindsets which pervade so much of the world around me. Zombies, walking mindlessly yet persistently towards the lake of fire (however literally you want to take that).

When?

At what point should one push ahead with a selfish desire for closure, a desire (the word masochistic comes to mind) for the quick pain of outright rejection over the long and drawn-out suffering and loathing of some bent and addictive form of 'love'?

When does an extended crush become ridiculous? 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years...

It ain't love, I know Paul's letter to the Corinthians (eww, more cliche). Love is an action and I seem unable/unwilling to do anything here. Gotta actually interact with someone to love! They've got to see at least some sign of it! However strong the feelings may be, I certainly can't go around classifying the nonsense within me as love. I could use this musing as a jumping-off point for a rant on crushes and such but I'll simply say that anyone who classifies the "hopeless romantic" feelings and behaviours of Jonathan as a 'crush' is remarkably mistaken. I've, unfortunately, never been able to let my feelings slip in to that convenient notch. My heart is chronically drawn 'too far' by some twisted romantic ideal which has lodged itself within me and I've yet to remove.

Hopelessness: Sitting along on a Saturday evening watching Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, etc. and wondering... "Where's my Meg Ryan". I don't look like Tom Hanks and I'm definitely missing the unassuming 'suavity' and other charming elements which his characters bring to the table. Don't get me wrong, God spent a good while beating in to my mind an understanding of personality attributes, self-confidence, and true identity; I know where I stand with the one who counts and I know that this is where any real 'charm' is going to be derived from. I am not Tom Hanks and I don't want Meg Ryan (she's my mother's age!) but I can't seem to, and don't really want to, get rid of this faint hope that one day I'll be able to exchange witty banter, flirtatious glances, knee wobbling "I love you" speeches, and (something not touched on in these 'romantic' movies) that kind of life lived by those who find the elusive 'true love'. Cut 'chick flicks' out of my life and my romanticism will still remain as I watch and live with friends like Nathan and Lauren who clearly demonstrate what I hope for. This isn't something I can just drop, it is me. And that's unfortunate when it seems like its removal could be a rather round-about solution to this unrequited yet resiliant 'crush'

We are the knights who say... Wii???

I am a Nintendo fan-boy. I mock those PlayStation and Xbox fools. And I was getting to rub their faces in a great big pile of awesomeness when the next Nintendo system, code-named the "Revolution", was released.

I woke up this morning to news that Nintendo had released the official name for the new console (be still my beating heart!). What confronted me on the news sites though was a word so foreign and strange to me that I thought it was some cruel joke... Wii. Yes, that is "Wii". The new Nintendo Wii.

Do I still want it? Yes! But they can be assured that I will be asking for a Revolution at the store counter and will be covering up that Wii nonsense with decals. Some might spend alot of money on high quality decals... as far as I'm concerned, a "Dora The Explorer" sticker would be an improvement.

No, I don't actually spend much time gaming or thinking about gaming in my 'real' life, but seeing as how I am not working and am not in school this week... I think I'm allowed to spend a day occasionally ROFLMAO'ing (that's pronounced rawfflemaow by the way, I pity the fool who thinks I'd say anything else!) at the thought of a name like this.

So, to reiterate:
Yay Nintendo Revolution (as it shall remain)
Boo Wii

Mr. T!

I can't believe I forgot to mention Mr. T...
Quite purposefully placed in amongst the bear, wolf, and cougar cages is this pit, a most vile pit, containing one of the most vicious creatures in all of the zoo.

Some might call him a gopher, some call him a ground squirrel, the brave ones even call him a baby beaver (true story, haha), but those who know only call by him by his real name... MR. T!

He is massive, he is black, he's got a gold chain around his neck, and his pity for the fools is absolutely insane.

That little brown fella there decided to sneak up on Mister on a couple of occasions. Mister would remain seemingly oblivious until the other fuzzball got within a couple of centimeters... then, oh yes then, that fool was pitied. Mr. T would have nothing to do with this jibba jabba! The jumping, spazzing, squeaking, chattering, and growling (you haven't lived until you've heard a gopher growl) was absolutely amazing. The other fella didn't seem to catch on very quickly and kept on coming back for more. Eventually Mr. T crawled in to his home and just sat there growling at the youngster. It was clear that it just wasn't worth his while to fight back, his energy is better spent pitying other fools who learn their lessons.

Zooooooooo

Finished off my astronomy exam on Tuesday evening, jumped at the opportunity to enjoy a guilt free trip to the zoo on Wednesday morning with Cyler. Figured that, after almost a year, it was about time I take advantage of this new camera in that environment.

First we see the ever-cute black-capped chickadee, this little one was dancing on a branch outside one of the monkey enclosures. I love my 70-300mm telephoto, it comes in handy.



Then we have the rare and odd-looking Cyler bird who is known for striking poses at the sound of a shutter. Here we seem him pretending to be a mountain goat.



After some further walking and watching, we came across the Whooping Cranes. Cyler proceeded to make noises which he figured held some similarity to the call of a Whooping Crane. Whether he actually struck the proper warble or simply managed to arouse the curiosity of the creature, we were presented with a perfect headshot of this crane. It's as if he knew well enough to frame himself between the wire of the fence.



Lastly, the Llama. The animal that was so awesome that they gave it two L's. This one looked at us, growled at us, and then generally ignored us. I wasn't arguing, it's indifference provided a number of good poses (I guess it's kind of like the mad or pouty faces which models practice).

Animaniacs! (it's pronounced Otto von Schnitzelpuss - krankenge-scheitmeyer)

The trigger for the readdiction is unknown but, as of yesterday, I've once again fallen under the spell of Animaniacs. I will argue until I'm blue in the face that this was one of the most intelligent cartoon shows of its time (and possibly all time). One must only watch Yakko's World to truly appreciate the genius of this show.


The DVD package is released on the July 25th and I propose that July 29th be the Animaniacs Fest at my house (or someone else with suitable seating and a big tv). It will be madness I tell you! MADNESS!

I choo choo choose you

I was one of those 2 year olds who would bounce around the back seat of the car with joy when I saw a train (usually accompanied by an overly exuberant "Train Train!"). It was an insatiable enjoyment of all things on rails, from model railroad kits to sitting the in Alyth yards with my dad watching the trains 'do their thing'. I've never grown out of it.

I was up in and around Banff last summer and happened to see the telltale pillar of steam of a beautiful old iron horse idleing alongside the station. With a total disregard for anyone else in the car, I made a beeline for the tracks. We spent 45 minutes watching the crew prep the beast (enjoyable for me, not for most) before we found out that it wasn't scheduled to leave for another 2 hours. So I left the station reluctantly and headed back in to town, with the expressed goal of waiting out those two hours so that I could watch (and photograph) the engine as it moved off. We headed back to the station (with careful timing not to miss it) and I joyfully sat on the platform, taking in the sights and sounds of this mechanical marvel as it rumbled past. I was left with a solid sense of bliss (and the pangs of a full bladder... they were late leaving so I had to wait longer than expected).

After that train was out of sight, I was then able to sit and enjoy (much to the chagrin of my car mates) the fact that this was one of CP's main lines and was therefore quite active with powerfully revved multi-engine trains on their passage trough the mountains.

Friday Fun

Polished off most of my homework on Friday and then picked up my long-ignored camera for a good session of portrait learning. My buddy RJ and I, along with the beautiful model Melissa, spent an afternoon in my basement with a bunch of lights, a couple of new backdrops, and a suitable fan to keep the ridiculous temperatures down (hot lights).

Cyler and Trevor supervised, Cyler as the artistic one and Trevor as the guy protecting his girlfriend.

It was much fun and I'm quite impressed with the outcome. I hope to do this more as a method of financing this ridiculously expensive addiction ($2000 camera, $2000 lenses, $2000 lighting strobes, $4000 laptops... the list goes on and on).

If you want your photo taken, let me know. The first few are going to be free, but the costs rises proportionally with my talent (Cyler says this is really slow so not to worry).

Anyways, in to exam week now. A bit more time available now for some photography, some sleeping, and some hanging out. In addition to all of the studying of course. 

Online Stalking - Interesting Article

Since most of the people reading this blog have an 'internet life' (to some degree) of their own, I figured it might be good to read through this article (Cyberstalking: Are you at risk of being caught in the net - WXPNews, April 11). I know I've been guilty of some of it, I've got some photographic heroes who I've got an endless stream of questions for and would desperately like to learn from them more, but I know well enough that they wouldn't like getting their inbox filled or their blog covered in comments so I've purposefully limited my questions, comments, and requests for them. This article summarized very well the kind of person I fear becoming (and the kind of people I fear from past experiences).

An Excerpt:

"Having someone obsessed with you - whether out of anger or unwanted affections - can be a real ordeal, and it's not just high-profile celebrities who find themselves dealing with a foe or "fan" who won't let go. Even if the person doesn't physically threaten you, the fact that someone is following you around, keeping tabs on what you do, and/or contacting you when you want to be left alone is annoying at best and can disrupt your life."

Uh ya... comments are gone...

Was doing something comment related and comments are now gone... not hidden, just gone. Still not used to this blogspot setup.

Should work ok from this point on though.

Sailing...

I was sitting at my desk tonight and something sparked a memory of the sailing trip I went on with my classmates in grade 9. We spent 8 days between the mainland and Vancouver Island, seeing the sights, experiencing the life of a sailor (we did all the work), and, at least in my case, being changed to the core from that point on.

That trip signifies a change within me, from a timid bullied young man to a growing individual with growing self-confidence. It wasn't instantaneous but it began there and has continued since. I was stuck on a boat with some of my greatest bullies for 8 days, I came to appreciate them, work with them, and laugh with them (and they with me). Life-changing doesn't come close to describing what it did to me.

After this memory came to mind, I immediately went searching for any reference online to "The Fine Madness", a beautiful 48' (I think) wood vessel which I called home for that week. A quick google search directed me to a diary of someone else who did this trip a few years later and I honestly had tears streaming down my face as I read about the parallels in that person's experiences with my own. To ride the waves, hear the creaking vessel, wash the decks, and polish the brass... what I would do for that again!

I miss it desperately. There are no words to describe how badly I want to take that trip again. The experience is expensive, and ridiculously hard to justify to friends who haven't done it before, but I will go again, one way or another. And I hope to take many of you guys with me.

Taking a "photo shoot" to a whole new level

What you've got here is a Zenit FotoSnaiper (no typo). Those crazy Russians have been producing these things for years and I just found out about it today.

Guns gotta stay steady, so do cameras, might as well incorporate the two. Stick a camera and crazy long lense on the top of a gun stock.

To put it simply, I want one. I have a Zenit film camera here and the quality is absolutely excellent (1970's era Zenit-E, same type which recorded most of the revolutions in history around that time). The easiest conclusion is that Russians make crazy good stuff (and are very inventive).

Whether sleet or snow or rain or cold...

I love those days when women are forced to dress as if they cared at all for some modicum of modesty. Most people know me as the hater of all things spring and summer but I'd like to alter this perspective with the simple explanation that my distaste for these seasons is primarily based on the weather's allowance for immodest women to return to their "ooo boobies" inspiring clothing which had, for the winter months, been impractical.

Women are beautiful, and I'd be an outright liar if I said that my male eyes were not attracted to their attributes. But I make every effort to keep away from the pervading thought-lifestyle of lust amongst worldy men, and let me tell you it is an active fight to avoid "checking out" the ladies around me. Logically, it is easier to avoid this with sweaters and parkas than when everything is simply free to hang out (covered by the smallest amount of fabric possible).

I hate it, I want to be an honorable man, and women as a whole are constantly complaining about the lack of respect that they get from men, but both are near impossible if they continue presenting this "lust over me" image. It isn't right that women should be viewed as a piece of meat (or "piece of ass" as the media tells me) and guys should be ashamed for viewing/treating them like this, but, at the risk of spouting off "it's your own fault" ideas, the mainstream woman is doing little to counteract this image.

So ya, I'm weak. My eyes guide me and my mind is overly-susceptible to 'glances', this is my struggle and it is something I am desperately working through. But darn it all, ladies... at least try to make it easier for me!

God give me snow, rain, cold, anything to keep the parkas on.

Another aww inspiring image

Here we see Nathan and Lauren, two of my close friends who happen to be getting married quite soon (yay for groomsman Jonny!)

Bask in the awwwwsomeness 

Nerdy Entertainment

I... am a model railroader... I build model railroads... and drive model trains... so what, ya wanna fight about it? haha

My friend and I hit "Supertrain" back in February. This was one of the most impressive layouts. Not as much for the overwhelming number of trains operating independently around the layout (though that was cool), but instead for the detail put in to the surroundings. We stumbled across this scene late in the day and were thoroughly impressed. You will see the murder victim laying bleeding in the park, the camera crews (with appropriately labelled vehicles and cameras) trying to push past the police, the ambulance painted to fit with the Edmonton health region (the layout's home), and the CSI investigators looking over the scene. All done at a scale where those people are not much more than 1cm tall, the ambulance is about 2cm tall.

Very cool.

Take the road less travelled (ewww cliche)

Taken a while ago. These is the railway line running through the Inglewood area of Calgary. Take the track to the right and you will reach the Ogden yards (many long hours spend watching the trains there in my childhood). The left track is noticeably (though not in the picture) less used, its dull rails clearly illustrating how little this siding has been used. Behind me is the bridge which heads North across the Bow river and up along Nose Creek.

Bruce Kuhn - Gospel of Luke

Had the unique and enjoyable opportunity to watch "The Gospel of Luke" performed by ex-broadway actor Bruce Kuhn. Emotional, passionate, and honestly real. He's an amazing actor and really brought the story to life through a mix of comedy (scottish accents on some galileans) and some very strong moments where the truth was all that one could see.

If you ever have an opportunity to see him perform this play, take it.

(Photo is slightly blurry, once again taken from behind the soundboard)

Pray for Mojo... I mean Jono

Jonathan "The Job" Harris is jobless... think of the irony... Think of it!

My hopes had been sparked by the possibility of returning to the company with which I completed my practicum but that opportunity has since fizzled. This means I am once again on the hunt for summer employment.

There's loads of places I'd love to work, the most recent example would be the local Christian radio station which I love but think could definitely use the assistance of a technical writer with major graphic art, web design, photography, and sound technician experience (are ya sold on me yet?). But if they don't like my resume then I'm beginning to wonder where I'll head. There's always Can-Am which has been the proverbial nursery for at least 4 (I think I'm forgetting someone) of my close friends and therefore might be easily convinced to hire another one of 'the gang'.

So ya, if you know of any jobs, or maybe you're rich and just want to hire me (with all of the above listed skills) to do your own bidding at a decent wage for 4 months, then by all means comment away!

[No picture as I'm not at home and I can't think of an appropriate image to describe my mood at the moment... maybe the "happy cat has run out of happy" picture... silly kitty]

Some excellent romantic commentary

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Taken from bash.org [Note: foul language elsewhere on site, view at own risk]